“Why didn’t you defend yourself?”
My friend and I had a meaningful conversation this afternoon. Somewhere in our conversation she told me that she once doubted my character because someone was accusing me of doing a wrong behavior.
“I was asking myself, ganun ba talaga siya (Fiona)? Siya pa naman yung pinakaleader sa amin tapos ganun pala siya.”
I was not surprised to hear her say that. I told her I’m expecting that there are also other people who might’ve also heard about the wrong behavior someone’s accusing me of doing and they’ve probably doubted me too for some point in time.
Thus her question, “Why didn’t you defend yourself?”
I told her it’s not necessary to do so. When people accuse you of doing something you didn’t do, the truth itself will show. I don’t need to defend my place and tell people that I’m not doing a wrong behavior because the way I live my life will pretty much be enough as an explanation. There are times that we don’t get the chance to explain ourselves and clean our names, but God knows all and He can take care of it.
Sometimes when we learn that people falsely accuse us, it gets to our nerves that we want to stand up and shout to the world “EXCUSE ME, I’M NOT LIKE THAT KAYA!!!!!” But I realize sometimes you don’t need to tell people the person you are not, you just got to show the person you are. If you didn’t do it, your lifestyle wouldn’t back up on that claim.
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. – Romans 12:19
I started leading my small group when I was in second year college. And it wasn’t always sweet. A lot of times I felt I was a dud. There were times that I would really feel tired and burdened and unfulfilled.
I asked myself what could’ve went wrong before. And while I was waiting for someone to join me for dinner in a restaurant the other day, this is what I came up with on a piece of paper…
BEFORE: I don’t have much time for quiet time
NOW: I delve into His word more
BEFORE: I don’t want to be part of a leadership group
NOW: Valued the importance of multiple anchors discipleship
BEFORE: More works, less prayer
NOW: More prayer, believe God that He will work through me
NOW: Secured in Him
BEFORE: I want people to appreciate what I do in the ministry
NOW: It’s all about Him. Never about me.
BEFORE: I worry a lot
NOW: I trust God
BEFORE: I have a lot of frustrations
NOW: I focus on God, not on my frustrations
—- 07.05.10, Perspolis Katipunan —–
There are times that I still have to remind myself of the “NOW’s”.
It’s good to check our hearts once in a while. I realize how “Me-centered” I was before. Sometimes we get so addicted with the ministry that we lose track of the reason why we’re doing it in the first place. Sometimes we get so tired and burdened because we love to shoulder all the work and forget that apart from Him we can do nothing. Sometimes even when the harvest is plenty, we’re still frustrated because we want to count more. Sometimes our confidence is with us, not on what Jesus did. Sometimes we strive and not abide.
Lord, I pray that it will always be just about You and that I will always be purposeful in everything that I do. I pray that I will grow more in love with you.
‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty.
– Zechariah 4:6
PS. Oh wow, I just noticed, Perspolis again. :P That restaurant must’ve been some kinda special.